c r u 5 h
Marry me girl, be my fairy to the world.
A revelation about motherhood...probably applies to other things too. 
18th-Jul-2005 05:22 pm
Me with pink lips!
I've been going through the pregnant communities lately and I've come to find one thing: Other mothers are your downfall. Women have not changed since high school and will be the first ones to tell you what you're doing wrong and completely ignore anything you do right. They also are quick to tell you things even before their stitches are done healing. So - don't rely on other mothers to guide you unless you were friends with them BEFORE they were mothers or you know that they are laid back. You stand as much a chance at being a great mom figuring it out along the way.

This might come as a shock to the new moms and pregnant moms on my F-list but, all the things you found so important while pregnant or even during the toddler years, will mean almost nothing by the time your child starts school. Not only will it mean nothing to everyone who made your life their business, but it won't mean much to you either, except some personal achievements filled maybe. Whether or not you had a "natural" birth will be of little concern to you, just as long as your baby came out unscathed. Only YOU will beat yourself up for either having or not having an epidural during your labor. Whether or not your son was circumcized will not make a difference in the long run. And no one will think you're a better kinder mother for not having it done, nor will they think you're evil if you do. Getting your daughter's ears pierced when she is a baby will not make her hate you someday on that off chance she was the 1 girl who never wanted hers done. And no one will think she's cooler than everyone for being one of the first in her class with earrings either. As important is breastfeeding is, it won't make you a better mother because you did it, and choosing to bottlefeed doesn't mean you're headed down the road of doom. What kind of mom you are isn't floating around in the milk. So when you make that decision don't place its importance so high that you're either hating or congratulating yourself for it. You'll meet other moms who care more about what your child is eating as an infant than the fact that they will someday feed their kid bullshit like Lunchables as a legitimate "meal" and give them Hawaiian Punch to wash it down with. When your child became potty-trained will be of little importance, as long as it happened. How soon your child speaks has little to no bearing on whether or not he will be a genious growing up.

In the end it isn't that ONE decision you made that could make or break you as a new mom, but the series of decisions you make once you became one that matter. And while you can't go back and correct any mistakes along the way, you can always make good decisions in the future.
Comments 
18th-Jul-2005 09:58 pm (UTC)
Whether or not your son was circumcized will not make a difference in the long run.

Actually, speaking from the Jewish community, that is not entirely correct. In Judaism, circumcision is a pretty important event and is equivalent to a Christining (sp?). It's actually a really meaningful indicator of a male's Jewish identity.

But I loved that Lunchables reference. LOL.
18th-Jul-2005 11:14 pm (UTC)
all right, you can rephrase that one to circumcision without religious reason then :) Man, if you'd see some of the crap these women say about circumcision your head would spin. They only find it acceptable if you're Jewish...nice. People suck. I've concluded that much.
18th-Jul-2005 11:22 pm (UTC)
ROFL?!?!?! Do they really? Something along the lines of, "If you don't circumcize your son, his dick will fall off!"?
19th-Jul-2005 12:44 am (UTC)
no no, it's "if you circumcize your son you're a cruel rotten bitch from hell and you're mutilating his penis AND he will be an unemotional unloving person because he experienced pain at a time in his life that he'll probably never remember anyway." :)
19th-Jul-2005 04:43 am (UTC)
You're probably right, however its weird you say this because I just heard this report on the news the other day saying that males who are circumcized are like 75% LESS likely to contract HIV and Aids because the Foreskin has a much great tendency to form tiny cracks and cuts and if you dont have foreskin, you obviously dont have to concern yourself with that...I dont know...just something I heard on the 'non-commercial' news (read: indy media..lol)
19th-Jul-2005 04:45 am (UTC)
much 'greater' I meant...much great...yeah, its past my bedtime..lol
18th-Jul-2005 10:03 pm (UTC)
Wow... so true!
19th-Jul-2005 01:24 am (UTC)
high five Vic!!! LOL
19th-Jul-2005 02:43 pm (UTC)
Very well said and I would have to agree pretty much completely. Everyone is soo hung up on the infant months and toddler years. While those are important times in your kid's life they are no more or less important than the years coming. And a hearty huzzah! on the natural birth and breast feeding bit. I try to avoid the pregnancy communities entirely, I have found them full of the cliques so reminiscent of High School and I have enough drama in my life, fo sho.
19th-Jul-2005 04:04 pm (UTC)
"Women have not changed since high school and will be the first ones to tell you what you're doing wrong and completely ignore anything you do right. "

man is that right! it's not until they fully grow up that it stops. lol
28th-Sep-2006 08:02 pm (UTC)
wow. I needed to read this today. Thanks, it was filled with wisdom and got me a little teary-eyed.
29th-Sep-2006 01:39 am (UTC)
I'm glad someone got something out of it :)
13th-Oct-2006 07:53 pm (UTC)
Okay, I can last no longer! I rarely--if ever--add new people to my f-list, but I have to ask: may I add you to mine? After reading several of your public posts, I think I want to marry you (although I'm not sure how my hubby would feel about that). ;-) And it's not just because you make excellent icons, either...just so you know. Anyway, I totally understand if you're not adding people, etc., just thought I'd ask.
13th-Oct-2006 09:46 pm (UTC)
added you first ;)
13th-Oct-2006 10:06 pm (UTC)
Added you and read a few entries and yeah...I already adore you. ;-) I hear my little man waking up so I have to run, but I'm Courtney, btw. Nice to meet you! <3
19th-Sep-2007 05:26 pm (UTC)
So true. It's really all very individual. I never had my ears pierced as a baby and didn't even want them done til I was 18. Then I let the holes close in a couple of months because I found I didn't like the hassle and they snagged on stuff etc. I'm earringless and that's fine.

I don't know why so many women are so militant about breastfeeding or not or epidurals or not -- isn't that stuff up to the individual and depending on her circumstances and beliefs etc.?
22nd-Apr-2008 05:08 am (UTC)
I've been a member on LJ for a while but never really used my site so I apologize if this is going in the wrong place. I LOVED your blog/journal - whatever it's called LOL called A Revelation About Motherhood... You are a genius LOL I'd really like to copy it and put it on my myspace (a site I'm actually able to figure out!). Of course I'd give you credit but I just thought I'd ask your permission. If it's okay can you send me a message? Don't comment me back here because Lord knows I'll probably never be able to find your page again!
22nd-Apr-2008 09:30 pm (UTC)
Hey there! I don't mind you reposting the blog/journal entry at all. I appreciate you asking first :) I don't know how to message you. I'll try copying and pasting this in the Livejournal thing and see if that works for you? Hehe. Let me know what your myspace is. I'm cru5h on Myspace too if you want to send a friend request.
25th-Jul-2008 02:33 pm (UTC)
Wow, awesome post.

I agree with the person who commented on circumcision and Judaism, but really other than that, there are benefits and disadvantages to both.

As far as breastfeeding goes, there is some evidence to show that a child's immune system is strengthened by elements in the mother's milk (although a lot of that comes in the first few days anyway) but many mothers have to supplement with formula anyway and, besides, breastfeeding is a difficult endeavor and not even possible for some mothers.

I would just like to add that a lot of those "physical" decisions that you make matter MUCH LESS than the psychological ones for your growing children. Whether or not you meet their needs immediately and consistently when they're really little and remain consistent and nurturing (with appropriate limits) when they are a bit older is what will make the biggest difference in their lives in the long run. Being a good parent is about loving and caring for your child, however you find is the best way that works for you and your family. And every child is an individual, so whatever works for one mother/baby/child/family won't necessarily be the best choice for another.
25th-Jul-2008 02:34 pm (UTC)
PS. I love your pregnancy/baby icons :)
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